So the other night was DOA night. I missed it in the theaters because I didn't have the guts to pay and sit in a public place to watch a movie about a fighting game with revolutionary boobie physics. That's what home theaters are for and bless 'em for it. DOA is one of those movies that is an absolute success at what it's trying to be. Is it a polished piece of cinema full of heart wrenching drama and characters I can relate to? Good Lord, no. I was expecting to see hot chicks kicking each other along with some dudes in goofy ninja outfits and that's exactly what I got. It's one of those crappy movies that delivers. There was even a beach volleyball scene. Anyone familiar with the original fighting game and its greasy volleyball spin off was expecting, no DEMANDING, some sort of homage to DOA: Extreme Beach Volleyball. Jaime Pressly is in it and she's still Joy from My Name is Earl. I liked this top heavy crapfest and in the words of Joy herself, "Don't you judge me!"
Speaking of stress relief, I had a truly excellent moment while playing Grand Theft Auto 4. I was in the internet cafe and on my way out to steal something when the dude behind the counter groans, "There IS a tip jar, buddy!" What did he just say to me? Thanks to the glory that is video gaming, I was able to turn right around and use a shotgun to destroy that tip jar along with his smug little face. A huge police chase followed, which ended with me accidentally driving a stolen limo off a pier and swimming to safety. I then went back to the cafe and shot the clerk's twin brother. If the folks at Rockstar Games put jerks in there specifically to be executed for being jackasses, then they're geniuses. I think there should be an entire mode where all of Liberty City starts playing their shitty music too loudly, talking on their cell phones and texting while driving just so we could go on a very cathartic rampage. Sure we can rampage a lot in the game as is, but how much better would it be to have a city full of targets like that? The next time I saw one of those morons in real life, I would probably just smile warmly while imagining my consequence-free kill spree. yeahhhhhhhhhhh
