Friday, September 4, 2009

Wii (not as) Fit (as we thought we were)

I used to belong to a gym. Then stuff started getting in the way that prevented me from going. Namely, the economy and my hatred of the gym. The gym itself was nice. Good equipment, lots of TVs and stuff to distract me from what I was doing. Plus, a friend and I were into Racquetball which was a lot of fun. That’s one of those sports that’s great as long as both people agree they’re not out for blood. The moment one person gets competitive and the other doesn’t, it loses its appeal and turns into a contest to see who can hit each other with “accidental ricochets” the most. That’s not why I gave it up. It was just life happening. Plus, a whole lot of naked old guys in the locker room. What’s the deal with that? We all have to change clothes. We all gotta shower. Why do the old timers insist on displaying their goods while brushing their teeth? Can’t they air that junk out when they’re at home?

A while ago, my doctor was worried about my heart. She made me eat healthier, which was actually a good idea. See, I’d been working under the philosophy of, “Life is short. I like Texas Whoppers. I’ll eat as many of ‘em as I want until there’s a reason not to.” Well, avoiding a heart attack was good enough reason for me. Turns out that Megan’s a good enough cook that even the healthy stuff tasted fine and my habits stayed changed. Yes, there’s still the occasional Whopper but it’s no longer a philosophical statement.

So, combine these two things and you get someone who eats ok but hates the gym. What’s he supposed to do, fitness-wise? We have a Wii, so Megan suggested getting Wii Fit. You know, the one with the balance board. I thought, awesome! I can finally brush up on my Hula-Hooping. Plus, maybe it’ll get me moving as a happy substitute for the gym. Never one to turn down a reason to drop some cash on video game crap, I got the Wii Fit. It actually was pretty fun, right until the Body Mass test.

For those of you who don’t know, the Wii allows you to make a Mii which is a little dude who looks like you (or anyone else you can make) that shows up in a lot of menus and games. I made my Mii look like me, since I like seeing myself in a Kart race with Donkey Kong. Some kids dream of sports crap. Anyway, I like my Mii. My Mii holds the world record in Trampoline in the Summer Olympics (The Mario and Sonic version at least). My Mii looks a lot like me if I was put into a cartoon. In all fairness, that’s not a bad place to be. Then Wii Fit chunked him up to reflect my Body Mass measurement. Holy Lord!!! I know I could stand to lose a few, but come on!! Nintendo is supposed to be the happy, feel-good company full of hopping plumbers and smiling suns. They sucker-punched me by taking my cool little video dude and turning him into a potato sack stuffed with bowling balls on two legs! Nintendo says their goal is to make people more aware of fitness goals and help them achieve them. If their other goal was to make me hate myself….MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!

I’m still going to do the Wii Fit. It is fun and does give me a workout which I desperately need. It’s cheaper than the gym and the only naked old dude in the showers is my dad when he comes to visit. At least he keeps his junk gift wrapped when people are looking. Heh, sorry Dad.

If I don’t lose any weight, I’ll make a Mii that looks like Biff from Back to the Future to kick my original Mii’s pasty ass!

This is what happens without editors

I'm Marcus Pelegrimas, author of the SKINNERS series. Here you'll find various ramblings about movies, video games, TV, and...oh yeah...those books I write. If there's anything you'd like to discuss, just let me know. I try to update whenever the mood strikes me, so feel free to leave comments. There may be some occasional foul language, but anyone who's too easily offended probably doesn't read my stuff anyway.

Free Stuff

Here's how it goes. As usual, I've got my truckload of promo covers from EOS Books. I'll be going to some conventions, so I hope to see you there and I'll gladly sign your books. If you can't make it to a con, just email me your name, address and any inscription so I can send you a signed cover.

BONUS ---> If you would be so kind as to write up a review for any or all Skinners books and publish it on a site like, Barnes & Noble, Borders, or any other major review site, I can send you something extra. I made up some bookmarks (which I'll sign) and I've even put together some Shimmy's VIP passes (which I'll also sign). Can't guarantee the passes will get you into a real strip club, but I think they look pretty cool. Send me a link to your review along with your name, address and inscription, and I'll get these out to you as well.