It's weird out there. Perhaps a little...too weird.

So I was flipping through the recommendations Netflix made for me today when I came across Danger 5. It's a show from Australia (I think) about a group of super spy people in a bizarro universe filled with bad props, puppet Nazi dogs, and...of course...Hitler. For the first few minutes I watched slack-jawed, wondering if I might've accidentally hit my head on my way to the TV or if I was in some sort of fever dream. The next few minutes after that, I wondered if this might be a little too far out there even for me. From then on though, I was hooked.

I can't really describe it and for all I know everyone already knows all about this show. Either way, I love it. Now let's just hope the US doesn't try to remake it so they can tone it down and sprinkle in a bunch of idiot reality show stars. I mean, take a look at this....

Nazi Stegosaurus! This show is perfect as is.

The Big Game

No, I'm not talking about Arkham City (which I'm still working my way through one glorious side mission at a time). I'm talking Super Bowl here. Ever since I traded in my overpriced cable/DVR combo for Netflix and Hulu on Xbox Live, I haven't been able to watch much in the way of sports. I catch the occasional game here and there, but not enough to keep abreast on what's what. All in all it's a good trade-off for not having  40 hours of stuff in a DVR waiting for me to watch. This way, I actually get some work done. I do still have my favorite teams when I am able to watch a game and let's just say the Giants or Patriots ain't one of  'em.

I don't have a very good reason for this. Maybe, since I'm a Midwestern boy, my loyalties drift more toward teams in those regions. Ok...I actually WAS rooting for the Giants. Mostly because they're NOT the Patriots. My reasoning for this? I could spout some anti-Brady sentiment or various disputed plays, but that would just be my attempt to sound like I know what I'm talking about. In fact, I hate the Patriots because of Madden NFL for the XBox. Not the 360. I'm talking the original XBox. I think Madden NFL '05 was the last one I played and I played the HELL out of it with Webmaster Steve on Live. I would pick a team because of the skulls on their jerseys or their proximity to my house and he would actually pick teams based on skill.

Well, in Madden '05, if you picked the Patriots, you could pretty much put the controller down, walk away from your TV, get something to eat, hit the bathroom and STILL win. Every pass, no matter how well it was covered, was caught. Defensive players bounced off of Brady like bullets off of Superman's eyeball (one of the very few cool moments in Superman Returns). Their defense consisted of Mack trucks and bulldozers with jerseys stretched over their freaking backs. And the other teams just wilted. I guess the makers of the game wrote that one off to "momentum" or "shifts in the game's atmosphere". Lob a 70 yard pass to a receiver who'd already been brought down somehow? No problem he'd make the play anyhow. I threw down my controller, traded the disk in at Game Stop for about 75 cents and ended my Madden career.

Even Steve had to admit the Pats were ridiculously overpowered. It got to the point where he'd pick them just to get under my skin and I never picked them because I hated the sight of their stupid digitized faces!! So thanks, EA Sports. Thanks for making it easy for me to pick a team to root for in this year's Bowl. It actually was a pretty entertaining game to watch and when the Patriots lost...I couldn't help but smile. Video game vendettas NEVER die.

Stuff, stuff and MORE STUFF!!!!

I'm noticing a trend in TV shows lately. NOT the idiot reality stars who are famous just for being stupid and obnoxious. I mean the junk shows. You know...American Pickers, Pawn Stars, Auction Hunters, Hoarders and all of the many variants of each show. Maybe it's a sign of the troubled economy. Remember back in the days when we would watch shows about rich people? Were we living vicariously through them? Waiting for them to fail? Idolizing their houses? That was back in the 80s or so. Then came the shows about average people. The Real Worlds, Survivor, Big Brother, American Idol and all the countless derivations of those. We were (supposedly) watching real people trying to score big somehow. Or watching them fight for a moment in the spotlight, trying to be stars. Whatever.

Then along came the junk shows. To be honest, I watch American Pickers, the pawn shop shows and all those ones where they bid on abandoned storage units without really knowing WHY I'm watching them! I seriously get a thrill when someone turns over an old cooler in one of those units to find a gun case. Hey! Guns are valuable!! Yay!! Pawn Stars is cool because there's the historical stuff or just the weird crap that comes through those doors. Hardcore Pawn is about some huge shop in Detroit run by a guy who looks every bit like the stereotypical guy you would imagine who runs a big pawn shop in Detroit; slicked back hair, gold chains and all. That place gets mostly jewelry and fur coats like you would expect, but the people are always fighting and it's fun to watch.

And then there's Hoarders. That's just about houses that are filled with garbage! I sit and watch the people explain why they need their garbage piled around them, watch as the therapists try to talk them out of their garbage piles and watch as the cleaning crew scoops out their garbage with shovels (always in the span of two days). Hoarding is a mental disorder. I get that. I'm not making fun of them. I'm wondering why I'm watching them. Alcoholism and mental retardation are disorders and yet we don't watch those people. Are the Kardashians still on the air? Jersey Shore? Ok. Well I don't watch those.

I've actually sat and wondered why I'm so fascinated with Hoarders. It's a popular show, so I'm not the only one watching. Maybe it's because the shows are about some degree of order coming from chaos. But, I like chaos. That can't be it. Maybe it's about people facing their inner demons. No. I like demons too. Seriously, though, if I was into personal tragedy, I'd also be into shows like Intervention and My Weirdest Addiction or whatever that show is where the lady eats rocks. Look it up.

I think it's a sign of the times. Things are tough right now and lots of us just don't have it in us to watch a game show and believe something like that could happen to us. Personally, I sure as hell don't want to spend my nights watching rich people in their big houses being all...rich. So, I watch shows about junk. I watch people buying it, gathering it, pawning it and eventually traveling across the country to pick through yards of it so they can sell it to someone else. I can relate to junk. I can afford some junk of my own. It's nice to see people digging out from their junk and moving on...or selling it. Maybe I could sell some stuff! See, THERE'S a dream that can actually happen!!

Maybe that's it. Or maybe TV shows just suck nowadays. Times are rough.

The wrong O word

Well, once again, South Park has knocked it out of the park. Ha. PARK. Didn't even mean to do that one. Their recent episode was about how everything starts sounding like / resembling shit after you hit a certain age. This is something that happened a while ago for me, but I've tried to ignore it. Sometimes I get cranky (ok..cranky-ER) but most of the times I go into newer stuff wanting to like it. Movies, TV shows, whatever. If I'm not trying to like something, I should just curl up into a ball and gripe. More often than I care to admit, this burns me.

It starts with music (as it did in South Park). Then comes everything else. My first encounter with this was MTV. I was a kid when it first hit cable and can clearly recall all the music videos as well as quality programming like Remote Control, The Young Ones, and the first few seasons of The Real World. I was going to college during the Beavis & Butthead years. In fact, I still suspect there was a camera hidden in the apartment I shared with my college roommate for Mike Judge to get inspiration for that show. FYI, my roommate and I switched off on who was Beavis and who was Butt-Head. Then came the decline (as illustrated by the rest of The Real World. That show is STILL on?? How much of the same angst can we watch??)

So, fine. MTV is for young audiences and I'm not young. I get it. I'm still kind of cool right? I did win a radio contest for a trip to attend the 1998 MTV VMAs. That's pretty cool! I was in the same building as Madonna and Marilyn Manson, for crap's sake! Personally, the Movie Awards were always my favorite. The last few years, they've devolved into the MTV Twilight Awards. So that's what the kids are watching. Great. Let 'em have it. I heard there was going to be a remake of Teen Wolf and my mind drifted back to the awesome movies. "GIVE ME...a keg...of BEER." Juvenile justice at the hands of gypsy curses. SWEET! I watched about five minutes of the new version and it was more angsty teens trying to be sexy and witty. And really, what the hell was I expecting?? The second half of this clip from The Soup pretty much sums it up. The first half is funny as well. I love this show (The Soup...not Teen Wolf)



Ugh.

So I'm old. This is yet another reminder. Whatever. Sometimes curling up in that ball is fun. Griping is fun too. I think I'll even start that as a new label for blog posts. Now, in order to pay my rent, I need to try and come up with a poignant, "edgy" yet sexy, socially conscious young character as well as a bunch of cute supernatural circumstances that amount to other characters looking even sexier and becoming even more sharp-witted. Let the zaniness ensue. Oh, and I can't forget the sweetie-pie nicknames for those supposedly horrific creatures. I'll jam those in with the 587,649th way to reference "that time of the month" when talking about a werewolf's transformation during the full moon. And you guys wonder why I take such pleasure in setting the Full Bloods loose in Book 5? Heh. Sweet catharsis.

Taking a quick peek at the rest of the world

Funny thing about DVRs. Although it's great to have shows to watch whenever you want with the ability to skip commercials, I find myself both in sync and behind everyone else. I hear about a new show like Bob's Burgers and can find it, tape it and watch it right away. Wow! Then there are shows that slip through the cracks for a while and I watch months later to be thrown off by stale ads. Wait a second! New Hell's Kitchen ALREADY?? SWEET!!! Oh, that's an ad from last season. Doh.



I swore I wouldn't watch American Idol after...I don't know...sometime a few years ago. To be honest, I can't even tell you who won the last few seasons I did watch. That useless knowledge gets instantly purged after it passes my eyes. You know...like the emergency number to the police or what my allergies are. Idol has a new season and new judges. Mainly I wanted to see how Steven Tyler would do. Personally, I was a big fan of Simon and loved watching him rip apart people who couldn't sing and have "always been dreaming about this moment". Seriously? ALWAYS? When you were a child, you stayed awake at night daring to dream about standing in line at a hotel and screeching in front of celebrities? Diff'rent strokes. My fear with the new judge lineup was that (since they are performers) they would be extra lenient in letting people get through. From what little I saw (meaning the first episode) I may be right. They really do fall for the sob stories. I'll tell ya, those don't usually work. I've been rejected plenty of times by editors who didn't give a rat's ass about my history. I'm just waiting for the intro to Hollywood Week when Ryan Seacrest says, "Of the 13,000 people who tried out, only 11,437 remain. WHO will be the NEXT American Idol?"





Eh, whatever. I recommend Bob's Burgers and Archer for you animation fans. I still love Fringe with all of my heart. Hawaii Five-O is cool. And then there's The Cape....sigh. Don't get me started on The Cape.

A magical, fun-filled adventure....and evil.

South Park has always been wrong. Just plain wrong. But that's what makes it oh so funny. Here's a clip from last week's show that I can't get out of my brain. It proves that even a racist, obnoxious little creep gets a chance to have a buddy. There's hope for us all.

Mysterion Rises
Tags: SOUTH
PARKEric Cartman,Mysterion,more...

I can breathe clearly now, the snot is gone

Well, for the most part anyway. There's still a residual haze in my brain from all the medication, but I'm able to function better than I have for almost a week. I don't get sick that often but when I do, it can kick my ass. Oh well. Now I can really sink my teeth into Skinners #6. You heard me. Book 5 was just sent in and Book 6 is on the way! Great things are brewing in the Skinners-verse. With the way 5 ended, going right into 6 was pretty easy. In fact, I had to cut a lot out of 5 so it could be plugged into 6 anyway. Can't really say much about specifics since 4 isn't even on the shelves yet. Ugh. The dizziness is coming back.

In other news, Sons of Anarchy is back on the air and I'm loving it! I like the Irish storyline, but am having some trouble understanding some of those guys when they grumble in their accent. I'm just losing a word or two here and there, which could very well be my fault since my ears (as well as my entire head) have been plugged up recently. Not a gripe. The show still rules.

Archon is coming up. Wow, that kind of snuck up on me. Three weeks from now, I'll be in St. Louis for the convention. That one's always fun, so come see me if you're in the area. I'll bring along a few Shimmy's passes and bookmarks to give away to lucky readers. Don't know how I'll determine which are the lucky ones. Probably the first ones who ask for 'em. Complex system, huh?

We're Skinners. We're werewolves. We're all a little loony!

The end is nigh. Well, at least the end of this draft of Skinners #5. I should finish up with it in a few days and then I can take a much-needed (albeit short) rest before starting in on the NEXT draft. Whew. What really bit me in the ass with this one was the whole "Keep writing until it's finished" mentality for the first draft. That's a good thing because I want it to be a great story and not just one that fits within a certain page count. I originally typed that last bit as "paige count". Heh. See what all of this editing has done to me? Anyway, the first draft wound up being 691 pages. YOWZA! I've cut a significant amount already, saved some for Book 6 and just sent some into story heaven.


I've been on a cartoon binge lately. I think that's got a lot to do with my brain being fried after so many long days of work and me not having any gray matter left when I do get to step away from the computer. Also, I just like cartoons. It's been a lot of 90's stuff like Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, and X-Men. Plus some 80's goodness like Thundercats, He-Man, etc. Throw in some Spongebob and I also found some Tom & Jerry collections for super cheap at WalMart! Funny thing about that. It's hard to find a lot of classic cartoon shorts like Loony Tunes and Tom & Jerry on TV anymore. Plus, they seem to be cut up and edited to shit, so why bother when I do find them? The thing with Tom & Jerry was that Tom's owner in a lot of those classic toons was this big lady who was voiced as some horrible, outdated, and just all-around crude racial stereotype that seems like something from the pre-Civil War days. I know these cartoons are old, but yeeesh! So I pop in my new Tom & Jerry dvd and the first thing on the screen is a disclaimer that basically says, "We know about the racial stuff. Sorry about that. These shorts are from another era. They were wrong then, wrong now, but nothing worth rioting about. Just relax, and enjoy seeing a mouse smack a cat in the face with a frying pan." If you can't laugh at that, you're just beyond hope.


So it's back to work for me. There was something else I wanted to discuss with you guys, but we'll get to that next time. Gotta leave 'em wanting more! Eh, don't get too excited. It's nothing that great.

Boob tube is sagging

I have REALLY lost touch with reality television shows. Have no clue who won Survivor. Don't know who's singing what on American Idol. Haven't the foggiest who stumbled or soared on Dancing with the Stars. It's all just sliding by. The upside to this is that less of my limited brain capacity is being devoted to them. Funny enough, I usually just watched them because they were on. I did get into the whole thing sometimes, but I really don't miss them now that they've been removed from me like an appendix that was broadcast into my living room. Now don't get me wrong. When Hell's Kitchen comes back, I'll be all over it.

Tonight is a new Big Bang Theory that answers one of my Big Bang questions. Just how did Sheldon meet Leonard?? Ok, so it hasn't really been weighing me down or anything, but it should be a good episode.

The other day, I watched Let's Make A Deal. I have NEVER seen that show. Not the classic version and not the new one. It was pretty good, I guess. Wayne Brady was hosting and he did not look happy. Sure, he did his job and all. He's a cool guy, but he seemed to have genuine fun on Whose Line is it Anyway and Don't Forget the Lyrics. Was that the name of that karaoke show? Anyway, he had a look in his eyes on Deal that screamed, "I'm doing this for work. Please kill me." Maybe it was just a bad day. We've all been there, Wayne. Keep your chin up!

Road Bumps N' Revelations

I hate to use the phrase Writer's Block, but sometimes it's mildly appropriate. To me, Writer's Block seems more like an excuse. Kind of like saying my addiction to buying DVDs instead of renting them is "an illness". Every now and then, no matter how much I like writing, it's less a labor a love and more like pulling my toenails off with a pair of needle nose pliers. The last few days have been rough, simply because I don't have every last thing worked out as far as the details for Skinners. I know my general direction, but sometimes the characters wind up in sticky situations. That's good for the story, but bad when I don't know how they're gonna get out of those situations. Maybe they DON'T get out. Great. More choices.

Anyway, I was driving to the bank when it occurred to me. Maybe hitting all these freaking potholes shook something loose. I thought of what's going to happen next, how it can work into the larger plot, where to go from there and I earn my Basic Writing badge for the day. All right, so it's not exactly a revelation, but that was a good term to use that started with R. Seemed like a cool title for the blog. Hmm. Maybe that's why I never get to use my own ideas for titles on the books.

In other news, Wil Wheaton made his return to The Big Bang Theory last night. I love that show and sometimes I'm convinced that I AM Sheldon. WHEATON!!!!!!!!!

Progress Report

So far, so good!
Been editing Skinners 4 and I'm liking what I see. Normally, the first draft is fine as the bare-bones thing it's supposed to be. It just usually doesn't feel like Skinners until over halfway through. Don't know why, really, but it just lacks that....Skinner-ness?? You know what I mean. That's probably because I'm too busy trying to figure out what the hell will be going on instead of thinking up cute dialogue. "Cute". Now THERE'S something that reeks of Skinner-ocity, right? Ugh.

Anyway, it's moving along nicely. I was worried about this one because I'm also working on other stuff at the same time such as trying not to freeze into an ice sculpture when I walk the dog and doing my best to understand the hypnotic mind control that compels me to watch American Idol auditions twice a week. But there's good news on the TV front. The new season of Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares premiers tonight. Plenty of garbage can kicking and bleeped out British expletives to go 'round!

Jessica owes me $2500

So this is weird. I was watching The Price is Right today and the first woman to get up to the stage played a game called "Half Off". I've never seen it before, but it involved picking the correct prices for smaller items to win some money. Imagine that, huh? Anyway, without describing the whole game, she made EVERY choice that I did when I was shouting out my answers to the screen. Come on, you all do that when watching Price is Right, don't you?

So she had to pick three different prices. I steered her wrong once, but she narrowed it down to four big prize boxes. One of them had $10,000 in it. I shouted, "Number 6! Pick Box Number 6!!" She did and the money was in there.

So, Jessica, since my powers with the Force guided you, I'm entitled to half, right? That's five grand. And since the name of the game was Half Off, that brings it down to $2,500. I'll be awaiting my payment. I also accept Burger King, Best Buy or Target gift certificates.

NetflixTV

Yesterday, an update for the XBox came through. Fortunately, it didn't send my console into red ring oblivion. What it did do was allow me (and everyone else) to watch my Netflix stuff even easier than before. Just flipping through the choices for the Watch Instantly option, I stumbled across MI-5, The IT Crowd, a season of CSI that I hadn't caught the first time around and The A-Team!! As with most guilty pleasures, I waited until Megan was dozing on the couch before watching the classic adventures of Hannibal, B.A. Barracus, Murdock and Face Man. Perhaps it was the catchy drum line at the beginning or the rousing theme, but Megan snapped awake immediately at the opening credits for A-Team's pilot episode. Much to my surprise, she stayed awake and watched the whole thing. Ahhh, classic 80's TV. So pure. So riveting. Just like a car wreck with poofy hair.

I'd never seen The IT Crowd before, but was hooked from the first show. It's a BBC sitcom that's a combo of The Office and Big Bang Theory. Basically, nerds in an office. Since I'm a nerd with plenty of office experience, I can relate. Awesome show. The only problem is that each season is only 6 episodes long. Why can't those Brits learn how to over saturate and wring a good concept dry like us??

Another thing that showed up on the XBox update was a marketplace to buy crap for your Avatars. For those who don't know, Avatars are these little dudes you make and dress up that "represent your gamer personality on your console". At least, that's the official definition. I don't mind playing around with my guy and switching his clothes around every now and then. In fact, here's a snapshot of how he currently looks. See? I'm writing westerns so he's got a little cowboy hat. Real freakin' adorable, huh? Anyway, the new clothes and stuff just show up for free every week or two. Well, with this new Marketplace, you can BUY clothes for the Avatars! Wheeee!!! I know Microsoft is a corporation and not a charity. They're out to make money. I get the whole capitalism thing, but $5 for a freaking set of Gears of War armor? Some of this stuff is kind of cool, but DAMN! I'm more intrigued by the idea of winning new outfits by playing games. Or here's an idea. Every Achievement has its own little picture. How about being able to wear your favorite Achievement on a t-shirt? I'd pay a buck or two for a shirt that can display any Achievement I want, so long as I can can switch it up when I like for no extra charge. Eh, I'll just stick to the free clothes and hope to win some more. No need having my virtual dude dressed better than the real thing.

Today is new comic book day, so I need to get some work done and free up enough time to venture out for my Marvel fix.

Down time

It's amazing how much stuff can get crammed into a block of time allotted for "relaxing". My dad and step-Mom have been in town, so that's kept me busy. There was all the necessary clean-up before they arrived, which was a fun couple of days. Not that the place is filthy, but let's just say I'm not one who's opposed to a bit of friendly clutter. As you might have surmised from all the blogs about comic books, action figures, movies and video games, I've got a lot of stuff that any outsider might label "crap".

We've also been watching the Torchwood miniseries, Children of Earth. Megan and I are huge fans of the show and this 5-part series is one of the best story lines we've seen in a while. Lots of action, cool aliens, cliffhangers and surprises. For the most part, the usual excellence from that show. And speaking of BBC goodness, we've just gotten into Being Human. Watched the first show and I really liked it. They sort of jumped right in without much explanation as to why a vampire, werewolf an ghost are living together (unless it got edited out due to time constraints) which bugged Megan more than it did me. I want to know what's going on, but I've got faith that they'll explain everything in good time. BBC genre shows haven't let me down yet. Whenever I try to explain Being Human's premise to someone, it sounds like I'm setting up a joke. "Ok, so a vampire and werewolf go into a bar. A ghost walks up to them and says..."

The new batch of Gears of War 2 maps came out. Megan's addicted to Horde mode and has become scary with the sniper-headshot action. Very nice!

Another thing that occupied me over the last week was a ghost hunt. It was the first one where I got to investigate someone's home. Nothing really happened while we were there, but there's still the evidence to sift through later this week. I've got my fingers crossed for a nice little vortex to show up in one of our pics. Maybe a demonic voice on my digital recorder. You know, nothing fancy.

That's about it for now. Abby's crossing both sets of doggie legs, so I should probably take her for a walk.

Sequins are great, but....

For the last several weeks, there hasn't been much else to watch on TV besides Megan's dancing shows. I'm a cultured mofo, so I watch them too. Now there's FINALLY something else to watch! From the Brits, we've got new episodes of Doctor Who (which are few and far between, but still awesome) and the Torchwood miniseries. I've only watched the first episode of Torchwood, but I'm liking it! This weekend, there's another Who plus the premier of Being Human. All very promising. The Sci-Fi Channel (That's how I say it. Spelling Sy Fy just looks stupid) has new episodes of Eureka and Warehouse 13. I like Eureka. It's something different on the genre front. Warehouse 13 picked up a lot in the second episode so it felt more than an hour long version of the last shot in Raiders of the Lost Ark.



And then there's Hell's Kitchen. YES!!!!!!!!! My favorite reality show of all time has a summer season. Although I will admit this first episode feels more staged than usual. For example, you've got the dumb-ass diner cook who made biscuits n' gravy for his signature dish get kicked out during dinner service when his replacement is already in the other room for "a special surprise". Then you've got the gung-ho military dude who's either there specifically to fight with Ramsey and glare menacingly at the camera or as a cleverly placed advertisement for anti-psychotic meds. Of course there are the other must-haves like the cook who doesn't know how to turn the stove on, the cook who serves raw meat and (a new one) the cook who doesn't know the difference between a fridge and a freezer. I say this show felt staged, but I've been served by cooks from all of these categories in several different restaurants so perhaps they're 100% genuine. Either way, it's televised goodness.

Magical weekend

What a great weekend! Despite some computer setbacks on Friday that brought my PC to a standstill, I got all the R&R I could have wanted. I played some Ghostbusters (even got a chance to do some multiplayer - Survival mode rocks), was consumed by Magic: The Gathering (Webmaster Steve is now fully addicted), watched a bunch of mind numbing TV, saw My Bloody Valentine in 3D (The 3D actually worked on my TV...so much for the "theater-only" experience), and got a whole lot of sleep. Also, I started in on The Conduit which seems like a pretty damn great FPS on the Wii. Sure there aren't as many as on other consoles, but this and Metroid really nail it.

Today, I start in on Draft 3. Not as much overhaulin' as Draft 2 (hopefully) and I'm anxious to dig in. Also, BBC America FINALLY got the new season of Doctor Who started. It's been too long, Doc. Also on the way are Torchwood, Robin Hood and the new one Being Human. Primeval is already underway, giving the Brits well-earned domination in the genre TV show category. This season will be a short one for Who and Torchwood, but a little bit of something that great is better than nothing.

And on top of all this, the weather's cooled off. I can actually take Abby out for her walks and not want to kill myself as my eyeballs sizzle in their sockets.

Don't adjust your sets...wait...you may have to adjust them a little

Finally, this glorious day is upon us! No longer will I have to languish in the hell that is Regular TV Signal Land. FINALLY I can enter this wonderful new age. This dawn of rebirth that is our fateful technological breakthrough!!!!!

I've been waiting so long. They teased me with the switch to a digital signal, but then cruelly yanked it away. We were so close!!! But not all of the populace was prepared to take Obi Wan's much vaunted "first step into a much larger world." Or perhaps the great bearded general will see the analog signal as "An elegant weapon from a more civilized age." In my little corner of the galaxy, it could very well be the bane of my Mom's existence.

I know that, even though she has digital cable, she will be scratching her head to try and figure out where the change happened. If there's a thunderstorm or anything else that knocks out her service, I'm sure I'll hear about "that damn signal that was SUPPOSED to make everything BETTER!!"

I honestly can't believe this is such a huge deal or that there will be people who are blindsided by this. And they can't use "I don't have access to all this tech news" as an excuse. I watch network TV and there's been more scrolling messages over the past several months than if a wall of tornadoes was headed our way. Like the great Millennium Scare of 1999, the asteroid near-miss as prophesied by Nostradamus, or any number of things that got people running around flapping their arms in a panic, this too shall fade into nothingness. Lord help us if my Mom actually has to re-scan for her channels when the Digi-pocalypse hits.

Dumpster Diving

A friend of mine has a blog about comic books and when he digs into his back issues to read something that may be crap, he calls it Dumpster Diving. Well, I became very familiar with this phrase when I dug into some back issues of my own. Namely, a few issues of Spider-Man 2099 and a mini series called Blood Legacy.

According to the good folks at Marvel (and they are mostly good, if not great), about 90 years from now, we will traverse cyberspace on Rollerblades while wearing clunky VR helmets. Did I say Rollerblades? YES. F'ing Rollerblades. 'Nuff said.

Then I read the Blood Legacy series. It was only 4 issues and kept promising some big twist to pay off my time and $12 spent getting through it. Well, comic books also promise that I can see through ladies' clothes with x-ray specs or build an army of Sea Monkeys to forge my underwater empire. I think I just made an "I am really old" slip there with the Sea Monkeys reference. Anyway, none of those promises panned out. All I got was a bunch of vampires who swore they weren't vampires, but insisted on giving themselves away by drinking blood and living forever. My only payoff with either of these comics was a real good look at why I probably stopped reading comics for a while.

Speaking of feeling like an old man, I caught some of the MTV Movie Awards. Let's just say I was genuinely surprised that they didn't give Ben Stiller's Comedic Achievement award to Rob Pattinson. Megan's a Twilight fan, so I tried to keep my mouth shut. And even though she would tell you I didn't keep very quiet, she should know I did hold back quite a bit because yes, I realize I'm not the audience for Twilight. At least Heath Ledger's Joker won for Best Villain. If a sparkly vampire won that one, I would have had to write a terse letter to MTV. See, THAT'S how us old guys throw down!!

The Unthinkable

I find that I'm dangerously close to becoming one of "those people". You know, when you try to talk about a TV show (old or new) or anything that may have appeared on TV and the person you're talking to blinks and smugly tells you, "Oh, I don't watch TV." Hey, if someone doesn't want to watch TV, that's fine. I'm talking about that condescending sneer I get from some folks who act as if my viewing habits are responsible for the decline of civilization.

"Oh, you waaaatch that stuff? Oooohhhhh. It takes all kinds, I guess."
What do you mean YOU GUESS?? It DOES take all kinds. This reminds me of that part in Pulp Fiction when John Travolta throws the "I don't watch TV" line at Samuel L Jackson and Sam comes back with, "But you are aware that there's an invention called television and on this invention they show shows?"

Look, smug people. We're just trying to make conversation. Do what you want and lighten up about it. Do you know what we mean when we refer to American Idol? 99% of the time, you probably do, so don't flip the life choices at me. Anyway, that being said, I'm finding fewer reasons to keep my cable connection running. The DVR is acting up and only gets slightly wonkier with every "update" that always comes at a time when I'm trying to tape something. Most shows are going down the crapper. Attack of the Show is becoming progressively harder to watch as Olivia continues to do the whole movie thing. Where's the Wiffle Bat Fight Club? Oh, and could we PLEASE see the specs of one more camera?? PLEEASE?? Heroes is long gone. Battlestar Galactica is over. (Caprica? Give me a frakkin' break) The end is nigh.

Then I find a show like Fringe. Ahhhh Fringe. How I love thee. And Deadliest Warrior. Have you seen this?? They take historical figures like a viking and a samurai, test all their main weapons for impact, damage and accuracy stats, feed all that into a computer and see who would win in a fight. How freaking AWESOME is that? Apache vs Gladiator. Apache wins. Who knew? They do pirate vs knight, ninja vs Spartan and Mafia vs Yakuza is coming up. YEAH!! Cities of the Underworld is great (and would make an awesome drinking game - ask for details). Monster Quest and The Ultimate Gamer are pretty cool. Warehouse 13 is coming up.

Wait, was this a pro- or anti-TV post? Oh yeah. The thought of cancelling cable and getting the good shows on DVD is tempting, but I guess I'm not quite there yet. Cactus Jack returning to the wrestling world pushed me back into the light. BANG BAANG!!

Thank you...my pencil

It's been years since I've cared enough about the awards Hollywood people give to themselves to watch the Oscars. Usually, it boils down to a few movies I've never seen that get rammed down your throat until you feel like you've seen them a thousand times already. Sure, lots of these movies are probably really good. It's just that even a fine, perfectly cooked steak starts tasting bad when you've had the whole country go on about it forEVER!!!! Then again, there are occasionally moments like this one that pan away from the pretty people posing on the red carpets wearing their sponsor's jewelry and show someone I can actually relate to...




In case this link gets busted, it's Kunio Kato's speech where he thanks his staff, his pencil and his company before ending with "Domo Arigato, Mister Roboto." Pure awesomeness. My favorite part was when he chuckled to himself after the pencil line. You could tell he thought that one was really funny, but it just didn't land with the crowd. We've all been there, my friend. Maybe the size of the crowd or the media coverage wasn't on par with the Oscars, but I know I've belly flopped with a joke in front of too many people. At least he ended with a winning moment AND an Oscar. Way to go, Kunio!! If more folks like him were being rewarded, what a wonderful world this would be.