Halloween!!!

Ahhh, Halloween. All the fun of the December holidays without all the crappy "family" garbage. You're not expected to hang out with distant relatives and whatever friends they decide to bring along for a free meal. It's perfectly acceptable to snarl, sneer, or flip off the camera during picture time. Horror movies instead of home movies (which are actually a non-fun sort of horror movie). Instead of getting up early to watch a parade, we get to stay up late and watch Ghost Hunters Live. The list goes on and on.

Not to say that I don't enjoy the December holidays (and yes, Thanksgiving is rolled into that). Those are great in a traditional sort of way. The main difference is that, unless you're a kid, most of us have to brace for the big ticket holidays. Halloween is great from the first orange and black candy displays at the grocery store to the inevitable "best scary movie" lists that pop up everywhere. There are none of those, "Oh God, how am I gonna make it through this year?" moments. Nobody's mad if you don't call or send a card on Halloween. Of course, there's still family stuff but most of that is the good kind. You're with the core group, doing stuff you're glad to be doing.

This turned out to be an uncharacteristically wholesome musing sort of post. Oh well. Seeing kids dressed up as bloody corpses and demonic overlords always makes me warm inside.

Quick note to anyone Trick or Treating in my neighborhood: Anyone dressed as a werewolf gets extra candy! That also goes for someone dressed as a Gears of War character or a fairy. Don't get creeped out by that last one. My wife added it to the list.

Theeere cahn be ohnly wahhn!!!!

I love Highlander.
I love the original movie, most of the sequels (except for the second one. I pretend that never happened), and all but a few episodes of the TV series (and 90% of the sixth season). That may sound like I disavowed a lot of content, but the stuff that remains is freaking GREAT!!! Cool flashbacks. Sword fights. Decapitation!!! Awesome lightning. It's got it all.

This Saturday, Highlander gets mixed up with another one of life's little pleasures: The Sci-Fi Channel's original movie. They're doing a post-apocalyptic remake of Beowulf starring Christopher Lambert...CONNOR MacLeod himself!!! I'm not sure if this is a Sci-Fi Channel original or if they imported it from somewhere, but it's gonna be AWESOME!!! That's the best part about those movies. Even if they're crappy, they're still awesomely crappy! I just hope there'll be some cheesy CG effects and bad dialogue. Who am I kidding? Of course there will!

5 Stages of Waiting

Here’s another process that’s very important to being a professional writer: Waiting.
You come up with your ideas, write them and edit to hit some deadline or a window of opportunity for submitting it somewhere. That’s a whirlwind of work, creation and refinement also known as “the good stuff”. The waiting comes when you must deal with the rest of the world.

And I’m not referring to those fortunate writers who submit something and have to wait through a whole weekend or two before they get their deal. That’s great if it happens, but it’s not the norm. It’s more like earning your salary by winning the lottery. And that’s nothing against the talent of those quick-dealers. The whole system is generally very slow and any writer will tell you that you have to wait for any results whatsoever. Wait a LOT.

While I’m waiting to hear back from submissions, I’ve found I go through some pretty basic stages. These held up when I waited to get a short story published in a small press magazine, to get an agent, and now to get a book (or series) published. Maybe some of this seems familiar to some other writers out there. For those of you new to the craft, it’s something to look forward to. After all, in the immortal words of GI Joe, “Knowing is half the battle”. And if you’re one of those folks who got your huge contract in less than eight months, good for you. I do hate you, though.

Stage 1: Denial – “This time it’ll be different! I’ll send it in and the first person who’s lucky enough to read it will trip all over themselves to give me a deal! I’d better be ready for the landslide that’ll follow this one. Should I subscribe to Publisher’s Weekly so I can read the awesome news before it hits the news stands?”

Stage 2: Bargaining – “Come on! It’s been what, three weeks? I haven’t heard anything so that’s gotta be good. That editor must be wondering if I can truly handle following through on the amazing idea I showed them in that proposal. I can handle it! I swear, if I get my chance with this, I’ll run with it! I’ll RUN like the WIND!! Who am I talking to? It doesn’t matter. The forces of good will carry my desire and happy thoughts to where they need to be. I can’t doubt for one moment that this is gonna happen or I’ll jinx it. Oh, shit! Did I just jinx it? No. I can DO THIS!!!”

Stage 3: Anger – “Damn it! It’s been three months!! Freaking editors are always on vacation. Freaking system doesn’t even move. What the hell is going on out there?! I should stomp into whatever break room they’re using to suck down their coffee and show them my GENIUS!!!! This is ridiculous! If I had the crappiest office job imaginable I’d never have to wait this long to get results from handing something in! I crank out more starlight from my printer and they take a month off for ONE HOLIDAY!!”

Stage 4: Depression – “It’s been over six months. I’m not gonna hear anything. Honestly, what did I expect? Those editors have either tossed my submission away like the garbage it is or they’re laughing at it. I think that telemarketing firm is hiring. Maybe I’ll try that.”

Stage 5: Acceptance – “Eh, screw it. I did the best I could, so I just need to wait for something to happen. There’s not much else for me to do. Actually, I’ve got an idea for something else. Maybe I’ll try that.”

Unfortunately for my wife and anyone else who has to deal with me (a big sorry goes out to my agent who still returns my calls and answers emails from every one of these stages), I may go through this cycle several times while waiting for one submission. If this sounds familiar to anyone out there, at least I’m not alone. That’s the problem with not working in an office. I don’t get to gripe to fellow co-workers.

As far as waiting goes, the simple truth is that you gotta do it whether you go through these stages or any other sort of ritualistic torture. Cry, whine, howl, work, shrug, it doesn’t matter. In the end, you’ll still be waiting. Of course, every so often, the waiting is worth it. And when it is. . .it’s REALLY worth it.

Sweetness is a virtue and you lost your virtue long ago

According to the most recent rumors, the new Guns n’ Roses album will be coming out next month. Technically, this is official, but after this long it's well past the "I'll believe it when I see it" stage. I’ve been a fan of GnR since Appetite for Destruction and still say Axl Rose is one of the ultimate rock stars of all time. No, I didn’t say he was the best singer or performer. Best Rock Star. Well, one of them anyway. The difference is all in the attitude. Rock stars aren’t easy to work with and they’re not worried about hitting perfect pitch. They strut on stage, kick ass in the shows where they stay upright and don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone has to say about any of it. Axl started a riot, which gives him HUGE rock star points. Guns had edge before “edge” became a catchphrase.

The new album is coming and it’s been in the works for over a decade. Of course, this is in between arguments with band members, drunken binges, public spectacles and the occasional performance. Rock stars, remember? You want punctuality and civil obedience, call U2. Eh, I don’t want to get into a high school debate about whose band rocks hardest. I just really hope Chinese Democracy has some cool songs on it. The trick will be to somehow listen to it without thinking about all the buildup. NOTHING can stand up to the tagline, “Over a decade in the making”. That just begs people to sit back, cross their arms and grunt, “Ok. This had better be good.”

I heard Shackler’s Revenge, which was a new GnR tune on Rock Band 2 and I like it. The guitar riffs kick my ass on expert setting, but that's not the band's fault. The song itself was better than a chunk of the new Metallica CD, but not as awesome as classic tracks from Appetite. I heard the title track on the band's website and thought it sounded pretty cool. I’m no big music critic. I just listen to stuff. Way back in my younger days, I would have happily fought about stupid crap like this until foam came from my mouth and sweat rolled through my flowing, rock ‘n roll length hair. Now, I just want to hear some more good GnR songs. Maybe the new CD will be great. I really hope it is. No matter what, I’m sure Axl will screech the hell out of his music to the best of his ability and flip plenty of shit to anyone who doesn’t care for it. See? Rock star.

Back to it

Sinking my teeth into the next draft. This is more of a "polishing and sanding" phase. I look at revisions in a couple different ways. First, there's the kind that makes me feel like a mechanic taking an engine apart, setting all the chunks on the floor and putting them back together again. It's very gratifying to get your hands dirty and rebuild, but also very overwhelming when you take a break and look around at all the disconnected parts scattered around. At the end of that, there's another moment where you find all the parts either welded together or in the trash and wonder, "I did all of THAT??"

Sometimes, I feel more like a plumber who snakes around to find the trouble spots, pull away the bad pipe and put in a new set. Methodical problem solving at its best.

Currently, I'm in more of the stage that follows either (or both) of the other two. I go over all the crap I did before, smooth out the new joints, sand down the patches and check for leaks. After this is the "touch up and detailing" round. Read through the manuscript like a normal reader (or as close to one as I can be), look for snags in the prose or the occasional glaring mistake that slipped by me before and pray I don't have to dismantle the whole thing again.

Enough analogies for ya? Maybe it helps me get through the process to think of it in more concrete terms. Why do I write it all down here so you can read it? Maybe I'm just cruel.

Second verse, not quite the same as the first

Ahhhhhh.

Just finished the second draft of Skinners Book 2 and it feels goooood. Still a ways from turning it in, but I made some pretty major changes and I really like the way they turned out. In fact, I had plenty of "what the hell was I thinking when I wrote THAT??" moments. That's a good thing, mainly because I spotted the crappy parts and either changed them or just chopped them out altogether. I like to bitch about editing, but there's something very gratifying about trimming the fat in your own book. It's nice to find the garbage and pull it out or re-do it to make the whole thing better. Of course, I'm sure I missed some other garbage, but that's why I need to read through and edit the whole thing AGAIN. And...again.

After that, it's my editor's turn to rip and tear. After that, another editor.

Right now, I'm just gonna relax and enjoy my weekend. I've got some games to play!

Can getting kicked in the face be sexy?

Ok, I didn't mean for this to be a series, but this pic sort of jumped out at me. I also took Tae Kwon Do for several years in the high school/college years and I've gotta admit, it was kind of a thrill to get knocked around by a cute girl who knew her stuff. Of course, the drawback to that is that they were all a LOT more flexible than I was and dropped more than a few heels directly onto my dome. They were all cute and apologetic afterward, but when I tried to capitalize on that, I somehow got knocked out again. Go figure.

This illustrates the fine line between "hot" and "annoying". Hot = women who really do know how to fight and show their skills in an impressive manner. Annoying = women who take a few weeks of classes, brag about "kicking boys' asses" and strike stupid poses. Also, grown women who still have a "boys vs. girls" battle going on in their minds.

Just to show I'm not trying to pick on the ladies, I'll give some time to the guys here. Cool = Guys who know their stuff and whip ass when necessary without bragging about it to their numbskull roommate. Think Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry or William Munny from Unforgiven. Annoying = Men who take a few weeks of classes, brag about "kicking boys' asses" and strike stupid poses.

By the way, if any of those girls from my Tae Kwon Do class remember me and just happen to read this, don't get all bent out of shape. Also, please don't find me and kill me.