Maybe I could sell some more blood

How cool is THIS? It's not just a replica of the coolest werewolf ever put to film (the one from American Werewolf in London), but it's a LIFE SIZE replica of that bad boy!!

Mmmmmmmmmm. I tried talking my wife into justifying the expense using some pretty convincing stuff: We could use it for our Christmas card photos! We could frighten religious nuts away from our door. We could make it our pet. We could love it and squeeze it and call it George.

Sadly, she wasn't having any of it. Not that I'm on a short leash or anything, but she does need to step in when I'm about to make a huge mistake and dump all of our money on something we don't need. And then, sometimes she's just persuasive enough to talk me out of a legitimate home improvement venture like this one. Damn those feminine wiles!

Conan! What is good in life?

Something else to come out of Comic-Con was the announcement of Rose McGowan playing Red Sonja. Actually, it’s more of a confirmation than a new announcement, but it was there all the same. Now, I like hot babes in chain mail swinging a sword around. Who doesn’t, really? I’ll bet you’d find some cave paintings that resemble Boris Vallejo sketches to confirm man’s fascination on the subject. Still, when I think of Red Sonja, I think of a muscular woman that looks like she could knock me out with a left hook as easily as she could decapitate me with her blade.

Maybe I was just spoiled from the Brigitte Nielsen movie. Not that the movie was some sort of standard-setting classic, but she really did fit the Red Sonja thing. If only Red Sonja was given a proper Viking funeral instead of going on to get plastered and hook up with Flava’ Flav, but I digress.

I’m not saying anything against Rose McGowan. On the contrary, she’s pale, shapely, has dark hair and leans toward the dark side. In other words, she’s pretty damn high up on my “Yowza” scale. But Red Sonja?? Some of the things I did see for the first time from Comic-Con were the Red Sonja movie posters. As you can see here, Rose can really fill out some chain mail. The other poster even shows her “special relationship” with her weapon.

Hmmmm. Maybe she could be a good Sonja after all. I know she’s got the whole Vallejo thing goin’ on. I’ve got an open mind and I don’t have some deep-rooted connection to the character, so I’m more than willing to give it a shot. Actually, I was really disappointed to hear that the movie isn’t supposed to come out until 2010. I’ll tell you one thing; I’d personally rather watch scantly clad Rose hacking limbs off for an hour or two than Brigitte Nielsen. Who would win in a fight? That’s a little tougher. The brawling edge always goes to the drunk, crazy chick. I’d sure as hell buy a ticket to that one though!

yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes

I just read that TRON 2 was announced at Comic Con!!!

The summer of '82, I visited my grandparents and dragged both of my grandmas to see Tron in the theater. Both of them separately, by the way, which was quite a feat considering neither poor woman wanted to see a movie starring people in glowing tights pretending to be in a video game.

After more than twenty years of aching, yearning and defending this movie to those who don't know any better, I finally get a sequel!!!!! Yaaaayyyyyyy!

By the way, the title of this post is supposed to be the Bit saying "yes". It kinda looks like "eyes" about halfway through that. Still.....YAYYYYYYYY!!!!

A Batcave would be soooooo nice

I couldn’t help myself. I had a little spare time today and went to see The Dark Knight again. Mmmmm. It was so gooood. That movie got better the second time around, but this is probably the last time I’ll see it in the theater. Wanna know why? I’ll tell ya why. Just as I get settled into my spot in the back row (so nobody can kick my seat), a family of 9 walks past to sit directly beside me.

I’m not exaggerating. Family of NINE. As if to further the “nightmare bunch of folks you don’t want next to you in a theater” cliché, one of those nine was a young lady carrying a newborn baby. I’m not exaggerating here either. This baby was a newborn and its sweet little mommy was dragging it to a movie about psycho clowns that cut people up and blow up hospitals.

“Fine,” I think. “Maybe they’ll be ok. I probably won’t hear them when the movie starts anyway.”

Yeah…fine. It was fine right up until the asshat next to me (Not one of the nine. Other side.) starts messing around with the food he brought. This is about half an hour into the movie, mind you. This loser brought FAST food, which he decided to unwrap in the middle of the show. It was McDonald’s, by the way. I know because I could smell the mix of onions, sweat and pickles. This guy must not have ever worked a contraption as tricky as paper wrapping before because it took him a good five minutes to get to his burger. By the time he shoved all of that processed beef into his stupid pie hole, the dreaded nine on my other side started getting fidgety.

Kids are walking back and forth. The baby is fussing. The kids walk back and forth some more. The baby flat-out cries. The mom walks back and forth. Uggghhhhhhhhh.

At least the movie WAS loud and it was also AWESOME, so it wasn’t a complete loss.

I know I’m getting old and cranky, but this is why the theater business is doomed. These bad clichés of nightmare audiences are all too common and have turned what used to be something fun and special into a pain. The only saving grace is seeing a cool movie on the first night it's out. First night crowds may be larger, but they’re all there to see the movie. They may be dressed up in funny clothes, but they shut the hell up and pay attention when that movie starts. I’ll only go to first night shows anymore. If I’m in a theater at all these days, I’m one of the geeks that’s been counting down the days to opening night. I never have a problem with being around more geeks, because they laugh and cheer at a movie instead of trying to look cool while diddling their cell phone during the quieter scenes.

As if to drive my point home, I came back and realized I had bought the DVD of Dragon Wars and hadn’t watched it yet. That was a crappy movie that came out in theaters a while ago and I wanted to see it on the big screen. I forgot about it, the DVD came out and I picked it up. You know what? I’ll pop it in, kick back and watch it without any interruptions. Is it the same as the BIG screen? No. Will I have anything else to distract me? NO!

When people like me start getting cantankerous and grouchy, we should just stay home. That way, everyone’s happy. It’s a shame, because I do enjoy seeing movies in an audience. I just resent having to block out dipshits who go out of their way to be. . .well. . .themselves. Also, if some douche bag plops down next to me to eat his McDonald’s while I’m at home, I’m within my rights to bend a crowbar over his skull.

Not a doll. ACTION FIGURE

Here's one of the best parts about working at home. I get to decorate my desk with awesomeness like this Gears of war action figure and I don't have to explain it to anyone. Ok, so maybe I'm explaining it to you right now, but that's different. Lots of you probably already know who this is. For those of you who don't, you're missing out.


Gears of War is one of my favorite games in recent memory because it's got it all: monsters, cool ships, bad-ass cliche's, everything a growin' boy needs. Plus, the main guy is named Marcus. See? It's right there on the box. That makes it cool, right?


Whatever. It was meant to be on my desk because the eyes stare straight down at me when I'm working. If I stare too long at it, I hear the voices urging me to keep typing. KEEP TYPING!!

Yikes.

It's not easy being pale

Yet another reason to hate summer: unsolicited sunburns.

Yeah, it's summer and that means it's hot. Sure, the sun's out and it's bright and all that. Still, most people who hang out at the beach or lay out on their porch or actually go outside know the risk of getting a sunburn. To some degree, they're signing up for it. Some of us do our best to stay inside where it's cool and not so damn bright all the time. We don't exactly avoid the sun but we do...aw who am I kidding? We DO avoid the sun because the sun is hot and bright and it burns us. Oh, how it BURNS!!!!

I was just minding my own business, driving to St. Louis and my arm got sunburned! I had the window down, but is that such a crime? Not only do I get the peeling and itching and all that garbage, but it's only on one freaking arm! It's not like I get a rosy face or a deep tan. I get a flaky trucker's tan and I hate it! I hate summer and it obviously hates me!!

Other than that, things are just fine.

E3 4 me

Sure, 4th of July is cool and everything but I get more pumped about E3. Apart from some fireworks and bar-b-q, July 4th just isn’t the thrill fest it used to be. E3, on the other hand, always gets my motor runnin’. For those who don’t know, E3 is the Electronic Entertainment Expo where new video games are announced, new hardware is shown, new sequels are unveiled, new this and new that…whew.

Microsoft: I’m mostly an Xbox kind of guy anyway, so I thought this was the best of the press conferences. Gears of War 2 looks f’ing awesome and Fable 2 is looking better every time I see it. Sure, the Avatars are basically Miis for MS, but I still get a kick out of seeing something that looks like me appear in a game. I know that’s not a very “hardcore gamer” thing to say but it’s true. The game show stuff on Live looked pretty cool and all the changes for the dashboard are more than welcome. Finally, I can talk to more than one person at a time in private chat. I could care less about Final Fantasy coming to the 360. I just never really got into that series.

Nintendo: I watched this press conference waiting for one thing and one thing only: more memory for the Wii. I NEED a hard drive for that thing, dammit!! I love downloading games, but without enough storage to hold them, it gets to be a pain in the ass. I know I can store stuff on SD cards, but swapping them out and loading/erasing every time I want to play some stupid retro game is just too much trouble. The Xbox Live Arcade does it right. I can flip through and play a game or two where I want. All those Wii channels should be the same way. What did I get at the conference? Some annoying woman telling me personal snowboarding stories. Wii Sports Resort looks cool, but that Star Wars game ISN’T what everyone’s been waiting for!! See that sword fighting game on Resort? THAT’S the light saber game we’re waiting for! Wii Music looks pretty fun and my wife got all worked up about that one. Still, I didn’t get my hard drive!

Sony: I’ve been waiting for an excuse to buy a PS3. I honestly have. Sony’s arrogance at launch put me off, but this is a whole shiny new system that I don’t have and I love buying shiny new systems. Unfortunately, there are only 3 – 4 games on there I’d want to play. Resistance 2 looks like it might pull me in. Well, that combined with Infamous, the DC Universe mmo and Killzone 2 might do the trick. God of War 3 would have to suck BIG TIME for that to not be the one that truly pushes me to the PS3 aisle in Best Buy. By the time all that happens, the price should be down to a level where I don’t feel like I’m getting reamed to purchase a black monstrosity that only plays a handful of worthwhile games.

There was also a ton of good games announced like Rock Band 2, Guitar Hero World Tour, Fallout 3 (good lord, this game looks great) and a bunch of others. I’ve been watching a lot of these for a while and I’ll continue to watch them but E3 gives me one place upon which to focus my drooling, longing stares. Now I just need to figure out how to pay for all of these games and then find enough time to play the damn things.